Measuring Up

When I was pretty young, my family went to Lagoon for a family vacation. Of course the big attraction to Lagoon at the time was the Colossus - the huge yellow roller coaster that did the double loop. I couldn't wait to go on it. The line was long. Very long. But we waited. And waited. And waited. Then finally it was our turn. Just before getting on the roller coaster there is one of those big ruler things that say "YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE". The man behind the counter had me stand next to it. I was with my sister and one of our older cousins who measured for me. The verdict: TOO SHORT. I was about a quarter inch below the line. My heart dropped. "Here," my cousin said, "stand up as straight as you can with your feet flat on the floor." So I did. She measured again, and with an ever so slight incline of her hand- I met the mark.

The ride was awesome. I loved it all. The slow jaunt up to the top of the first drop where I giggled with my sister the whole way up. The sudden and fast drop that took away our breath. The thrill of the ups and downs, the loops and twists. It was great.

The last few days I've been feeling a little down. I've been feeling a little like I'm standing next to that ruler again. That the sign reads "YOU MUST BE THIS TALL" and once again, I don't measure up. I'm still a quarter inch too short. I've been feeling stuck in a rut. Unable to meet the challenges presented to me. For those of you with kids...

Did you ever feel like when you got together with the other women and their kids, that your baby was the one needing constant attention, crying and fussy, inconsolable, while theirs all sat quietly sleeping or looking at lights and playing on their own? - That's me.

Did you ever hear about the progress of other babies around the same age and realize your baby wasn't doing the things the other babies were doing, and then wonder what you were doing wrong? - That's me.

Did you ever hear the other women say their babies were on a schedule and you were still waking up four times a night on occasion, fighting to get your baby to take naps longer than 25 minutes at a time, and pleading that your baby would fall asleep before 11:00 pm? - That's me.

Charlotte is a stubborn girl. She really is a good baby and she's cute as can be, but she's got a mind of her own. She's been letting me know more and more lately that she is in charge of what she is going to do and when she is going to do it. I took a video last week of Charlotte's tummy time experience. Unfortunately I can't get it to load, but here is a snapshot of the whole thing. Imagine this for a minute along with ardent crying. The little peach refuses to lift her head. She just lays and cries. I mean, not even an inch of lifting.

Then, just before going to visit some ladies the other day, I was able to get this photo. The head lifting lasted all of 7 seconds, and you can tell how thrilled she was. It was her first head lift ever (at 3 and a half months) and I was just happy to get it on camera. Unfortunately, the look on her face was a predictor of how the rest of the day was going to be for her. And for me. She cried all afternoon. Even the other mothers tried to calm her down. She was tired but wouldn't sleep. She was hungry but wouldn't eat well. She screamed when I would set her down, but squirmed so much she was impossible to hold. Needless to say, by the end of the day I was feeling a little discouraged, worn out, and wondering why I just don't measure up to the task.

Yesterday morning started off the same as usual. Just before my first attempt at nap time I put Charlotte on the ground for some tummy time and here's what happened:

She lifted her head and looked around for more than a minute. She even rolled over. 4 Times! No crying. No drama. She just decided she wanted to and she did. One day she didn't, the next day she did. I think I smothered the poor thing with hugs and kisses afterwards because I was so happy to see she is progressing. Thankfully I got the whole thing on camera to remind me I haven't stunted her ability to grow. I haven't caused irreparable damage. I haven't made her hate me. She's going to be just fine. And so am I.

Yesterday I felt like I was standing at the ruler, measuring too short, nd with a slight lift of His hand Heavenly Father helped me to measure up. Now I need to enjoy the ride. The ups and downs, fast parts and slow parts, twists and turns. I need to love it all.